China requires 12 hours of parent training, and our agency has on on-line program that allows us to meet those requirements. The Hague treaty (which governs the adoptions between the US and several countries, including China) requires 10 hours. I thought I would blog about the training, especially since it is all adoption related!
The intro session went over the basics of the adoption process and the paperchase (dossier stuff and immigration stuff). It did contain some interesting information. 70% of the kids placed through our agency are in an orphanage, and 30% are in foster care. The foster care system is vastly different than the US though- as there is no required training or background checking or standardization. Developmental delays just from living in an institutional setting are very common. It seems like the kids are 1 month behind for every 3 months they live in an orphanage (so a 12 month old will be developmentally on target for an 8 month old).
Session 2 was on grief and loss. They just jump right in there don't they? Grief and loss are a huge part of adoption though, and I think it will be very hard for me. Scott and I are not strangers to grief and loss- so we know we can get through this. My heart already breaks for my daughter that is going through, and will go through more grief and loss. She lost her birth parents, through no fault of her own. She will lose her birth country. She will lose a big part of her culture (we plan to incorporate what we can- but it will not be the same). She will lose her caregivers. Of course the gains outweigh the losses, or we would not be doing this, but that is not what the session was about.
I keep thinking forward to gotcha day! I can't wait to hold my daughter and get to know her. But through her eyes, it may be very scary. She may not understand what is going on. She may have never seen a white woman before. She may cry, or scream, or kick, or run away, or just shut down. I have a feeling that she and I will both be crying.
To overcome grief, attaching and bonding are the basis. Talking about her lifestory often, acknowledging her birthparents, and working through this with her will help. Anyone who has experienced a loss knows that the grief comes and goes. We are expecting this. I am not looking forward to seeing my daughter hurting, but I will be there for her. No parent wants to see their kid hurting. A hello kitty won't make this boo-boo better, but love, and time, and facing the grief head on will help my girl heal.
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