No we do not need to be on the next episode of Hoarders!!!

We have been so blessed by the donations for our yard sale!!!! We are so excited!!! (note the exclamation points!!!!) (yes, all that stuff has been tagged)  The big day is May 5th in front of the Richmond Hill Montessori Preschool. We will be there from 8am until. . . .

Also our neighborhood is having their yearly yard sale this saturday- so we will be putting some stuff out for that- because why not?? So if you want a preview, come by our house Sat am from 8-1.

Anyone want to guess how much we will make???

What's happening now!

I thought I would also give an update post. Our homestudy has been typed and is on the way to our agency. After corrections are made (if there are any) a copy will get sent to the USCIS (immigration) with our big immigration application and the fee. They have 90 days to review it, hopefully it won't take that long. When we get our immigration approval, we will be DTC (dossier to china!!!!!!!!).  I hope it will be at immigration by may 1st, which will give them until august 1st, so we have a goal of being DTC by our anniversary on August 30th! (15 years!)  As part of the immigration process, we will have to go get fingerprinted at a homeland security office (in charleston or jacksonville). I have no worries our fingerprints will be clean, as we are not wanted terrorists. ;)

We are in the middle of our yard sale fundraiser- and have been so blessed by the donations! It will be held on May 5th. If anyone has things to donate- let us know. If anyone wants to help out that day or even loading up stuff the day before, please let us know!

So that is what we have been doing!

Parent Training- Chinese Culture

The Chinese culture sessions of the parent training were fascinating! It went through a brief history of China, discussed the Chinese language, and talked about some of the more popular festivals.

Chinese is a very tonal language, and there are many different dialects. It is also interesting to me how some words that sound similar have such different meanings.

Festivals such as Chinese new year, the dragon boat festival,and the moon festival were discussed. Suggestions on how to incorporate them into our household were given. I will go into more detail in later posts- I want to talk about each one separately! 

And that was the end of the formal parent training!!! Yay!!!

Parent Training- Multicultural Family

That will be us- a multicultural family. This parent training session discussed how our daughter will have to deal with racism. The session gave tips on how we can celebrate and incorporate Chinese culture into our family so that she fits. Honestly, I am not too worried about this. We have already planned to celebrate some of the Asian festivals (although maybe not Tomb Sweeping Day, as we have no tombs to sweep!). We are around a lot of other multicultural families, and many families of other races. I think this will be hard on our daughter as she gets asked why her parents are white. Maybe we need to come up with snappy comebacks for her to tell people.

The session also talked about Asian stereotypes which our daughter may have to face. Hopefully we will nuture her self-esteem so much that if she is bad at math, loud, tone deaf, and not the head of her class that she will still be able to embrace her heritage and culture.

I am hoping that this means that I get to claim to be a little bit Asian. Funny how I actually fit the stereotypes of being great at math, and near the top of my class. I usually do not get accused of being quiet though. I am looking forward to being an Asian-American family. The food, the festivals, the music. I am a little intimidated by the language, but I am intimidated by all foreign languages- see above- I am a math person!

So this will be us. The Asian-American family. Cool, huh?

We have a yard sale date!!!

On May the 5th we will be doing a huge yard sale to raise some adoption funds! If anyone has things they want to donate- that would be wonderful. We will come pick stuff up. The leftovers will be taken to Goodwill. Also if there are any yard sale experts out there- tips, tricks and advice are also welcome.

Let the Spring Cleaning Begin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Parent Training- Child Development

Normal child development is useful for every parent to know, since we would not want to expect something that is developmentally impossible for the kiddo. In the parent training the focus is the possible and expected developmental delays for when arriving home. The good news is that most kids make huge strides the first 6 months home, and at the two year mark are on target with their peers. 75% of kiddos adopted from China have some sort of a delay. The training discussed 6 areas.

Growth:One month of height growth is lost for every 3 months in the orphanage. This obviously depends on the orphanage and its resources.
Feeding/nutrition: Solids are introduced late in orphanages because bottles are easier for the nannies. Toddler parents are warned that the kiddo may have never eaten solid food. There is also the issue of switching from a Chinese diet to an American diet after homecoming!
Motor skills: Many kiddos are kept in playpens or walkers and have little chance to even learn to sit unsupported.
Speech: Language disruption occurs when a kiddo goes from hearing Chinese all the time to all of a sudden hearing English all the time. Usually by 6 months of being home, the kiddos understand everything that is said to them, but they may not be too talkative yet. That's ok- Noah talks enough for our entire family :)
Cognition- At 6 months after arriving home most kiddos have caught up cognitively. About 33% have not- but usually will by 2 years.
Sensory Integration: Many kiddos living in an orphanage do not get a range of sensory experiences. Certain textures or sounds will be very different. The kiddo may not have ever seen herself in a mirror before!

We can't know how our daughter will be until we meet her, but we are confident she will catch up!

Parent Training- Attachment issues in Adoption

The next two training sessions were on attaching in adoption. This is a hot topic in adoption and in parenting circles. Healthy attachment is a goal of parenting. We want to raise emotionally healthy kids that turn into emotionally healthy adults. By teaching kids that parents can be trusted, counted upon, and will be there to help provides a foundation for adults that do not put up with abusive relationships, are more contented with life, and will foster healthy attachment in their own children.

For those that have not read up on attachment psychology- I will explain the basics. A healthy attachment is formed in the first years of life when a baby's needs are met consistently by a parent. Responding to a baby's cry is the easiest way to promote attachment. Actually responding when your kid is upset at any age fosters healthy attachment. Babies and young children are not able, nor are they supposed to self-soothe. This attachment process is disrupted a lot in orphanage situations, since the nanny to baby ratio is not 1:1 or even 1:4. Somes there is 1 nanny for dozen(s) of babies. Many children come home with attachment issues, which can be overcome by going back to the basic- responding to every need consistently. In just about every adoption book or article I have read says that this is so important. Responding to a kid's needs at night can hurry this along further, since night can be such a scary time. The adoptions that are the most successful where the kiddo attaches and adapts into the family the fastest are where the parents actively promote attachment.

I am not really worried about attaching with my new daughter- Scott and I are good at attaching with our kiddos. When Noah was born we followed our instincts and ignored the horrible advice to let him just cry himself to sleep. Unbeknownst to us at that time- there is a label for that type of parenting- Attachment Parenting. I know, very original. But if our parenting has to have a label- attachment parenting is it, I guess. One of our favorite resources has been Dr. Sears. Dr. Sears, and several of his sons actually, is a pediatrician and a Christian, and is a promoter of attachment parenting. His website explains things a lot better than I could.

Back to the parent training- when a baby cries and their needs are not met, their brains release a stress hormone. When this happens over and over, the baby lives in a constant state of stress and anxiety. Many children coming from orphanages have what is termed "orphanage behavior" that is a result of them trying to deal with the stress- things like rocking, rubbing, repetitive behaviors, etc. They have not had anyone to meet their needs- I can imagine how stressful that is!!

There are things that can be done beginning at Gotcha Day that can promote attachment- like hugging, holding, rocking. Depending on the problem with attaching, suggestions such as only the parents provide food, sleeping with the kiddo, and not being more than a few feet apart can help. Its like having a newborn again!!

I think the thing to remember is that I will have to prove to my daughter I love her. I can tell her, and she may believe me in her mind (once she even understands what "i love you" means)- but if my actions do not follow my words- they are meaningless. The number one thing to prove love to a kiddo is spend time with them. Many of you know when my boys were little, I spent as much time as possible with them. That will be the same for my daughter. For a while, she will be stuck to me or Scott. We won't have the attachment foundation of meeting her newborn needs-and she will not speak english. Good thing that when showing love, actions speak louder than words!